To Wed or Not to Wed

Dear Madame Toujours,

I am a single woman, thirty-five, fit and attractive, intelligent, funny, easygoing and comfortably well off. The thing is, I have not met anyone I felt I could really spend my life with, and the dating is getting more and more tiresome. Now instead of callow youths who aren't ready to commit, all the men I meet seem to be wounded divorcees with emotionally traumatized teenage children. I have begun to wonder if it is really worth the time and effort to keep looking for that special guy. Can't a single woman be happy and fulfilled without a man?

Sincerely,

Still Single

Chere Mlle. Single,

Non. What the silly question, I, Europe's foremost matchmaker, am telling you that the life, she is empty without the man. This is not because you are not the perfectly sensible person all by yourself. Always, I am telling the women they should be having the interesting career or the hobby or at least making very much of the money because they cannot be expecting the man to be satisfying all of the emotional needs, but this is not meaning that you are not needing the man at all.

The man, he is satisfying the many important needs. For example, when you are having the man for your life, you are finding that you have never been closer to your mother. Now instead of calling her on the telephone to tell her that your childhood was hateful and she has ruined your life, you can be asking her advice concerning what you should do when M. le Husband, he is wearing the favorite baseball cap and watching the silly, noisy sports games in his underwear while eating cheese puffs and wiping the fingers on the couch. She is not knowing the answer. Her husband is doing this all of his life and although she is hating it, she is not being able to make him stop. That is why you have married M. le Husband in the first place--he is reminding you of your Pere. However, by the time you are finishing to talk about all of the obnoxious things the husbands are doing, the annoying sports programs are over and you can be watching the sensitive, family drama.

Also, the husbands, they are being exceedingly useful when you are having the cold feet in the bed at night. The most successful method to warm the feet is to be waiting until M. le Husband is being just on the edge of the sleep. Then quickly tuck the feet that are like the icy blocks of frozen meat into the backs of the knees where he is very warm. If you are doing this very often, then possibly M. le Husband is developing the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and is finding himself to be unable to sleep. This is good because then he is being unable to snore, so in addition to having the warm feet, you are sleeping very restfully.

Bon Chance, Mlle. Single, and hurry to find for yourself the husband.