Be the Pack Leader

Dear Madame Toujours,

I hope you can help me with a problem in my marriage. I have been married to Freddie for twelve years. The trouble is that when we first met, our relationship was predicated on the assumption that I was a flake and Freddie was the competent one. He could point out my faults and mistakes and make little jokes about my inadequacies, and I didn't mind because I knew he loved me in spite of these things.

We got along fine until I fell in love with a teeny little dustmop of a puppy I saw in a cardboard box outside a pet store. Freddie gently told me that I was too forgetful and disorganized to take care of a puppy. I was too in love with little Pippi to let her go, so I set out to learn everything I could find about raising a puppy.

In the process, I learned about being the pack leader and about having calm, assertive energy so that little Pippi would feel secure and confident.

As I practiced being calm and assertive, I got promoted to manager of the homeless shelter where I worked. I also made several good friends at the dog park and the puppy obedience classes, and I started to feel that Freddie wasn't always right when he pointed out my mistakes. I started calmly and assertively telling Freddy that I am a competent person, and I want to be treated with respect. Freddy is becoming more and more frustrated with this--accusing me of being a know-it-all and thinking I am queen of the world.

Can I somehow salvage my marriage without turning back into a doormat?

Sincerely,

Alpha Bitch

Chere Mme. Alpha,

Oui, this is being tres difficile for M. Freddy. Unfortunately, unlike the sensible persons such as Mlle. Pippi, M. Freddy is having the slow time to learn the new habits.

Many of the modern psychological persons will be telling you to have the honest, open conversations about the feelings. This is the big nonsense. This is only the opportunity for M. Freddy to tell you honestly and openly the many ways that you are inadequate. This is being very tedious and tiresome for you.

The only way to be putting M. Freddy firmly in his proper place is to be crushing him firmly beneath the heels. Explain to him that he is the pitiful, crawling worm who is not worthy to lick for you the toes. Then graciously permit him to lick the toes.

Possibly, you are thinking this is unnecessarily harsh. Non. M. Freddy, he is the fellow who is needing to feel that there is the very strong leadership. He is being only free to treat you as the competent person if he is having the confidence that you are the remorseless dictator who is permitting no arguments.

Bon Chance, Mme. Alpha, and be careful if it is necessary to be the despot, that you are at least the very benevolent one.