Division of Labor

Dear Madame Toujours,

I swear sometimes, I could just kill my husband Robert. He comes home from work, drops into his lounger in front of the TV and turns on the news. He eats whatever I put in front of him, growls at the kids and goes to bed. He seems to think he's an exemplary dad if he mutes the TV long enough to ask the kids whether they've done their homework before they go out on Friday nights. He would never dream of helping them with their homework, and if I weren't here to feed them, I swear he'd let them starve.

Sometimes I get so fed up, I think the kids would be better off with no father at all. Heck, they'd probably see more of him if we divorced. He'd have to have custody at least one weekend a month.

Sincerely,

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Chere Mme. Go,

You should assuredly stay with M. Go unless there is something you are not telling me about such as excessive snoring in the middle of the night. Otherwise, to be leaving would be to deprive the children of the very important role of the father in the lives.

Possibly you are wondering what is this role. Very many women, they are looking at the husbands dozing on the sofas and they are saying, "He is not feeding the children. He is not grooming the children. He is not checking to see if the children have the fever. What is he being good for?"

Maman, she is not seeing what is the large picture. Le pere is serving important role as the source of terror for les enfants.

Maman, she is thinking that everybody should be loving her little darlings unconditionally. This, it is being very nice in the moderation, but consider if there is only Maman with no Papa:

The children, they say to themselves, "Maman, she is loving me unconditionally. I feel very good about myself. Since I am already achieving everything that is being expected of me, perhaps I will become addicted to drugs and join a gang."

Whereas, with le pere, the children, they say, "While it is true that Maman is loving me unconditionally, Papa will terrorize me if I am failing in the math. Perhaps I will get a job and my own apartment."

Here is the balance, n'est pas?

Ironically, while it is possible for Papa to nurture les enfants and also to be the source of terror and dismay, for Maman it is impossible. She cannot pour the cereal, check for the clean underwear, feel for the fever and impart the terror of the damned all at the same time. Either the little children, they are not being convinced, or they are ringing up the child protecting agencies and reporting that Maman, she is the brutal monster who is not fit to be raising the dogs.

Bon Chance, Mme. Go. Be grateful to M. when he stirs upon the sofa, slits open the single fiery red eye and is snarling, "Do what Maman is saying, or you will not be sitting down for the week." Possibly nobody is believing that he will actually be exerting himself, but they are terrified anyway.