Coyote Woman Chihuahua Man

Dear Madame Toujours,

I am having a problem with my AKC champion Chihuahua Barney. Last week we were walking in the woods. We happened to look up just in time to see a shadow flit across our path. She paused for just a moment, a slender coyote bitch. Her nose was long and fine, her tail bushy. She looked us over with scornful indifference, and a moment later, she had disappeared into the brush. Barney gave a shrill cry of passion. He tore his leash from my hand and plunged into the underbrush in her wake. I called for him and ran after him, tearing through thickets terrified I would find him torn and bleeding, or worse, never find him at all.

Eventually, I caught up to him. He circled a clearing, sniffing desperately for some trace of her and trembling in his little leather jacket and studded collar.

I thought that would be the end of it as I carried him home under my arm, but ever since that day, Barney has been inconsolable. He lies by the front door with his tiny chin on his itty paws and cries for his lost coyote woman. He's losing weight. He won't sleep. I don't know what to do. I tried introducing him to a very attractive Chihuahua girl named Lupe, but he turned up his nose. He wouldn't even flirt with the cute lady pug down the street. There must be some way to dissuade him from this star-crossed love before it destroys him. If anyone would know how to do it, it would be you.

Sincerely,

Feeling like Mrs. Montague

Chere Mme. Montague,

Oui, very many times, the gentleman persons, they are contracting the powerful passions for the dangerous women, although they are mostly not having to worry that la femme, she is devouring him when he is wooing her.

Clearly, M. Barney, he is suffering the common difficulty of the smaller gentleman. Always, he is overcompensating for the diminutive size by wearing the intimidating clothings and strutting about in the confident fashion. Naturally, his ego, it is challenged by the wild woman who is being unfettered by the trappings of the civilizations. Is he having the manliness enough to command her love? He must try. M. Barney, he is feeling the cry of the inner wolf, and you cannot be tempting him with the mild, domestic females.

It is important in this difficult time to be boosting the faltering ego of the gentleman. M. Barney, he is seeking to prove himself. You must find for him the appropriate outlets. Possibly, he is having the heart of the police dog, or he can be learning to seek the lost persons in the wilderness or track the escaped criminals. Encourage this. It is the distraction from his grievings.

Bon Chance, Mme. Montague. When M. Barney, he is secure for himself in the masculinity, then he is soon forgetting about the unsuitable woman and appreciating again the merits of the more sensible females.