Dear Madame Toujours,

I am a 25-year-old woman. A few days ago, a young man who I know slightly asked me out to dinner. He is good-looking, has a good job and is a very good conversationalist. The problem is this: I think he may be as psychopathic ax murderer. We have several mutual friends, and it is hard for me to avoid meeting him in social situations. What should I do? I am thinking of changing my phone number and moving out of town.

Sincerely,
Spooked

Chere Mademoiselle Spooked,

Ah, how I am missing the old days in France when the parents, they chose the husband, and the woman, she was only worrying about her lovers. C'est difficile, aujourd'hui to know the important details about a young man, but me, I will tell you what to do.
Some women, they have the difficulty to find out what kind of man is the one who has asked them to dinner. You have the big advantage because you are having the mutual friends. Is he the big chum for everybody, or does he lurk in dark corners and talk to the people who are invisible? Does he own the ax of his own? Does he spend the moonless nights digging the holes in his basement?

Speak to the past lovers of your gentleman friend. Are they all alive? Do they disappear in the mysterious fashion? These, they are the warning signs.

"So," you say, "What if I am asking all the questions and everybody says he is OK for everything?"

Me, I know ce n'est pas comfortable, the dating. There is the nervousness, the spilling of water in the lap, the spinach between the teeth. Almost, it is better if he is the ax murderer, non? But, l'amour, she is finding in the strange places sometimes.

But perhaps you are not wanting l'amour. Perhaps, the big fear with the ax murderer, it is because you are wishing to live alone with the forty cats and spy on the neighbors, oui? Me, I prefer l'amour, but I do not say that you must have a lover. The cats, they are the good company. They are affectionate. They are grateful to you for the food.

Bon chance, Mademoiselle Spooked. Do not forget to lock the doors on the moonless nights.