Putting Out

Dear Madame Toujours,

I am dating a very attractive man who treats me well. He takes me out for dinner and a movie or show every Saturday night, and he always has impeccable taste. The problem comes when he drives me home. He always wants to come in­-if you know what I mean. I am not ready to invite him in, but I feel as if maybe I owe him something­-you know­-for dinner. Please tell me what is customary.

Sincerely,
Not Tonight

Cher Mlle. Tonight,

Oui, it is very complicated. Many women, they ask me, "Madame Toujours, when is the sex necessary?"

I will tell you.

The sex, it is never necessary, but there are the times when it is the good manners, non? For example, the man, he buys for you the new Frigidaire. He takes you with him to Paris. He marries you. Strangely, when he divorces you and gives you all his money, the sex, it is not polite then. So you see that the rules, they are not logical. They are arbitrary, non?

For the dinner and the show, then is sufficient the peck on the cheek and the warm handshake. The smaller appliances­-the blender, the cuisinart, the electric blanket­-they are the same. The engagement ring, non. If the priest is not involved, then the sex, it is not expected.

Of course, if the man is the hunk, then you may have the sex with him even if he does not buy for you anything. But I warn you, ask the man first if he is willing for the sex with you. If he says non, then I beg you, do not say the silly things like, "The lips, they say non, non, but the eyes they say oui, oui.” C'est tres embarrassing for all of us who are women when one woman, she makes herself the fool. When the man says “non”, it is that he means "non."

Now you say, "But all of this, it confuses me and still I do not wish to have the sex."

This is true. The rules, they are subtle. I will help you. There is the quaint American custom that is called the "Dutch Treat.” This is the salvation of the old-fashioned girl. The men they fear this. It is the threat to the manhood. The women, they hate it. It is that they hate to spend the money, but if you buy for yourself the dinner, then the man he cannot say, "But I have spent the money. You must put out."

Bon chance, Mlle Tonight