The Birthday Present

Dear Madame Toujours,

I am writing to you because I am incensed. Last week for my birthday I was expecting some flowers, maybe chocolates and a romantic card. Instead, My fiancé gave me a pasta maker. I am ready to call all our friends and tell them the wedding is off. Do you think this is what I should do?

Sincerely,
"Furious"

Cher Mlle. Furious,

Oui, by all means call the friends. Tell them you are no longer needing the pasta maker for the wedding gift. But to call off the wedding, this it foolish. The pasta-maker it is the household appliance, oui? This, it like the cash, and the woman, she should never turn up the nose at the cash. Me, I remember my first lover, Pierre. He gave me for my birthday the little white goat for milking. I sold the goat and bought for myself the new shoes. The pasta maker it is the same.
But, Je comprende. You say to yourself, "But maybe when we are married, he will wish for me to cook for him. This is the bad sign, non?"

Bien sur, if you are the foolish one who cooks for him like the housekeeper. The solution, il est trop simple. You will say to him that he may use your beautiful new pasta maker any time that he wants to eat the pasta. Me, I say, let the men cook the meals like the women do. Everybody is more happy then, non?

But you say, "The pasta-maker, ce n'est pas romantique."

Pourquas pas? The men, they do not understand the flowers. They say, "Pourquas are the flowers so importante to les femmes? I can go out the fields and pick the flowers. I can steal the flowers from the garden of my neighbor. The flowers, they die and make the mess. Why does she not want me to change the oil in her car for her birthday?"

If you are the independent woman, you know how to change your oil, non? But this is not the big fun job. This is dirty. This is the big bother. This means you must crawl under your car and lie on the ground. You do not like for the man to spare you this? So maybe you take your car to the garage and pay the strange man to change for you the oil. If your lover changes for you the oil, it is like cash in the mattress for the rainy day. Me, I feel tres romantique when I think of this.

Me, I think you have found for you a good man. Bon chance, Mlle. Furious, and tell your fiancé that when you are married, you wish to have the dishwasher automatique.