Mixed Faith Marriage

Dear Madame Toujours,

Something terrible has happened to me. I have fallen in love with a man who is really not suitable; I am a nice Methodist girl, and he is a performance artist. What I want to know is this: does this relationship have a chance? I mean, do you think he could convert to Methodism? Will I have to hug and kiss his friends in public? Will his relatives offend my relatives at the wedding? Will he make me stop eating meat? This is all very worrisome to me and I hope that you can advise me.

Sincerely,
Nice Methodist Girl

Chere Mlle. Methodist,

Always I am saying that for the people of the mixed faiths is tres difficile l’amour. You will be having the arguments. You will not wish to hug and kiss all his friends. He will say to you, “Why do you not hug and kiss all of my friends? Is it that you do not have the respect for me?"

The artist, he will make you crazy. He will talk about his feelings. He will wish for you to talk about your feelings. You will hate him for this. He will wish for you to admire his work. You will not understand his work. You will say, "I thought that the tree in the corner was very nice. He will say, "That is not the tree. That is the wretchedness of the human suffering.” You will say, "I hate to hug and kiss your friends."

He will not make very much of the money. Your parents, they will hate him and wish for you to marry the wealthy man. His parents, they will like you, and he will be suspicious of you because he thinks that if his parents like you, then perhaps you are not the girl for him.

But there are the good points. The artist, he can be the ornament to your life, non? People, they are impressed by the artist. Even they are impressed by the bad artist, so he does not have to be famous or talented. You can say to people, "Here is my lover Xavier. He is the artist.” Everyone will be envying you.

And the hugging and the kissing, it is not such the bad thing. You can go up the hunk who is not your lover, and throw your arms around him, and kiss him right in front of your lover, and he will be pleased that you are liking his friends. This is the big fun, non? This is like having the affaire without having the guilt.

Always, l'amour it is the adventure, non? Bon Chance, Mlle. Methodist